Monday, November 17, 2008

im not sure he will ever read this

im not sure he will understand

im not sure he understood

and im not sure i can stand

to be left here so helpless

and defenseless

against the burn

of emotions inwardly diredted

and words leaing me rejected

im not sure he will see this

im not sure he will know

that it is him to whom i am saying this

and it is to him that i owe

an appology sealed with a kiss

a hug for that near miss

but to him i owe

the truth that i feel

so baby, heres the deal:

Im falling

im falling fast

im scared
but i want this feeling to last.

<3

Thursday, November 13, 2008

repeat

i feel it creeping back in,
slurping up the floorboards.

the color is draining from my cheeks,
and my arms fall back to my sides,
and here i am again.

again.

I know this place so well,
it should feel like home.

My stomach is churning,
and my finger tips are curling,
and my ears are ringing again.

again.

I still dont have a reply,
I never got the chance to figure one out.

My voice is trembleing,
and my lips are chapped,
and i cant deal with it again.

again.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

feel it

i can feel the burn
i can see it melt
disperse, depleate
delete.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

i wonder

i wonder if getting over things isnt a good thing

does it kill off that section of your heart that he once filled up? does it leave you a little more bruised, a little more scared, and a little less willing to believe?
can you love while not over your last love?

Saturday, November 1, 2008

saved

I almost forgot that people could be interesting.

He jaded my every sense without a second of hesitation, and I not only welcomed, but indulged in the intricate detail he introduced into my life. So many turns and twists. Yes, i binged; i enjoyed in excess.
It looked as though nothing else would ever compare.

When he left without a sign the door didn't close, it disappeared. The hallway empty, the backtracking floorboards falling into the non-existence we call the "past". Nowhere to go but ahead i dragged one fingertip in front of the other, edges all inside my palms, body dangling, but no choice to fall.

As days pass, the pain fades to dull boredom, and the endless amass of white walls lose their shine. In attempts to pull myself together again, i grabbed the closest thing possible. Not a doorknob, not a windowsill, but color. Nothing but paint against the flat white walls. Nothing but a lie, an illusion that something is actually there.

From afar i know he is real, but up close i begin to wonder. If i hurt him bad enough would he even cry? If i gave him my soul would he even care?

In the midst of my struggle with deception, I hit something real. some sort of edge.

there is no point, there is no color, there is an open door. 
Dare I slip in?

strait and to the point