im not sure he will ever read this

im not sure he will understand

im not sure he understood

and im not sure i can stand

to be left here so helpless

and defenseless

against the burn

of emotions inwardly diredted

and words leaing me rejected

im not sure he will see this

im not sure he will know

that it is him to whom i am saying this

and it is to him that i owe

an appology sealed with a kiss

a hug for that near miss

but to him i owe

the truth that i feel

so baby, heres the deal:

Im falling

im falling fast

im scared

but i want this feeling to last.

<3

repeat

i feel it creeping back in,

slurping up the floorboards.

the color is draining from my cheeks,

and my arms fall back to my sides,

and here i am again.

again.

I know this place so well,

it should feel like home.

My stomach is churning,

and my finger tips are curling,

and my ears are ringing again.

again.

I still dont have a reply,

I never got the chance to figure one out.

My voice is trembleing,

and my lips are chapped,

and i cant deal with it again.

again.

feel it

i can feel the burn

i can see it melt

disperse, depleate

delete.

i wonder

i wonder if getting over things isnt a good thing

does it kill off that section of your heart that he once filled up? does it leave you a little more bruised, a little more scared, and a little less willing to believe?

can you love while not over your last love?

saved

I almost forgot that people could be interesting.

He jaded my every sense without a second of hesitation, and I not only welcomed, but indulged in the intricate detail he introduced into my life. So many turns and twists. Yes, i binged; i enjoyed in excess.

It looked as though nothing else would ever compare.

When he left without a sign the door didn't close, it disappeared. The hallway empty, the backtracking floorboards falling into the non-existence we call the "past". Nowhere to go but ahead i dragged one fingertip in front of the other, edges all inside my palms, body dangling, but no choice to fall.

As days pass, the pain fades to dull boredom, and the endless amass of white walls lose their shine. In attempts to pull myself together again, i grabbed the closest thing possible. Not a doorknob, not a windowsill, but color. Nothing but paint against the flat white walls. Nothing but a lie, an illusion that something is actually there.

From afar i know he is real, but up close i begin to wonder. If i hurt him bad enough would he even cry? If i gave him my soul would he even care?

In the midst of my struggle with deception, I hit something real. some sort of edge.

there is no point, there is no color, there is an open door. 

Dare I slip in?

strait and to the point

waste away

I can still feel the pin pricks against my bare arms

when the mist disappeared. 

Your lips sucked back in every pixilated breeze,

leaving the world crisp and sharp.

I was left to fall, with no cushion to catch me

no more clouds, nothing left obscure.

The tall grass teased my ankles

and the sun hid shamefully behind the edge of the cliff.

Our freckles mingled once more in the warmth

before floating away in a whisper.

The temperature slid down its yellow-plastic slide

As your fingers slipped from mine.

Rain will come and wash away what is left

of summer's rays and lazy days.

My eyelids will open a little bit more,

to let in what they once hid from my conscious.

but the blur will never return,

no more pink-warm lens between the world and me.

Mia-ism

My mind is on a different wavelength. Maybe if you concentrate hard enough you can think your way up to it for a brief amount of time, have a go at it. The most youll lose is a calorie or two. One a day, every day. Prize winner gets a medal.

Thanksgiving hallmark cards, barcoded beauty marks.

[empty response]

hi

[empty response]

you look amazing, can i have a hug?

[empty response]

ive never felt quite so safe, thanks for showing you care

[empty response]

im already buried, but im falling further

[empty response]

alright, it will all feel normal in the morning

[empty response]

sweet dreams xoxo

[empty response]

flaws

"I saw through your pretty face, I fell in love with your flaws"

We all pick up flaws along the way. Flaws are all we have, without them we are simply biological organisms born to birth the next generation. With flaws we begin to incorporate creation, attachment, destruction, and hope. Our flaws make us human.

I have sticky fingers, and i like to poke under things. I am very flawed. or so I thought.

"You brought light into my life with your serene beauty and perfection.

I was happy."

Flaws fade, become personality. And personality is layered thick with image. Im pretty, he always knew that. But once my flaws became so weaved into my skin that they too became beautiful and perfect, I was nothing more but solid plastic.

My flaws are all still there. My flaws are still perfect. 

He forgot one thing: his biggest flaw is that he forgets to look outside of his own eyes.

"I want to live in suffering"

Be my guest.